The Importance of Mom
Moms are our number one heroes. When asked, children rank their mother as their heroes above anyone else. And while some might dismiss this as the “easy” answer,” research shows that moms quite literally are the most important people in the life of a child from birth to adulthood. So what makes moms so special? Read more to find out!
Mom Bonds Are Powerful!
There’s a reason why kids look to mom for so many things in life — the mother-child bond is powerful.
A mother’s love can literally change the course of a child’s life. “Imagine if the hugs, lullabies and smiles from parents could inoculate babies against heartbreak, adolescent angst, and even help them pass their exams decades later,” said Professor Robert Winston in his research on the topic of parental bonding. “Well, evidence from the new branch of science called epigenetics is reporting that this long-term emotional inoculation might be possible.”
Professor Winston’s research shows that love and attention before the age of three dramatically and drastically changes a baby’s brain for the better.
Surely there’s more to it than just love … right? Professor Winston says no.
“However, parents can worry about things that just aren’t important to their children’s brain development and well-being,” he says, “such as giving them their own room, buying them toys and taking them on expensive holidays. Instead, the most valuable gift that a child can receive is free; it’s simply a parent’s love, time and support. This is no empty sentiment; science is now showing why baby’s brains need love more than anything else.”
Another amazing thing about mom’s is that the bond they create with their children starts in utero! Research shows that mom’s begin to bond with their baby before they are ever born. It also shows that strong antenatal (before birth) bonding leads to amazing benefits for the baby after they arrive.
(Note: If you are pregnant and concerned about the amount of connection you have with your baby, don’t panic. Contact your doctor or OBGYN and have an honest conversation about how you feel and the support you need.)
Mom: The First Social “Teacher”
People aren’t born civilized.
By that, we mean children’t don’t automatically know how to do people-y things like empathize, be compassionate, or exercise discipline. It’s something everyone has to learn. And most of the time, the teacher for those things is mom.
Obviously, these important human traits aren’t taught in a classroom setting. Social skills are learned as children watch their mother interact with others. And moms are excellent at being loving, compassionate, understanding people. Thank goodness!
Teaching them these “soft skills” is one of the most important roles a mom fills. Research shows that kind kids are set up for happier futures and to achieve more.
A Note to Working Moms
To summarize a monologue from a popular movie, being a woman is full of contradictions. Being a mom can feel like that for many women: Work and contribute financially, but also be available 100% of the time for your family. At-home moms feel guilty over not making as much money as they could if they worked, and working mom’s feel guilty over not being at home “enough” with their children.
If you’re a working mom reading this article, you may be feeling pangs of guilt while reading about bonding. The expectations you have may make you feel like you’re not spending enough time with your children for this important bonding to happen.
Please know, that’s the last thing we want you to think!
In fact, Scientific American has this news for you: “Research has shown that as long as the quality of an attachment is strong when the parent and child interact, it does not matter if that parent happens to be at work for most of the day.”
So for all you working moms out there, walk away from this read feeling good about yourselves. You’re doing great 👏
Mom, Give Yourself Permission for Self-Care
As you can see, mom plays one of the most (if not THE most) important roles in the life of a child. That’s an enormous honor … and an enormous demand. The amount of work that goes into being the person a child — and in many cases, multiple children — turns to for everything in life can feel neverending.
Unfortunately, a mom’s energy, patience, and motivation have their limits. If you feel like you can’t give anymore as a mom, pay attention to how much attention you’re giving yourself. Focusing on your own needs for just a handful of minutes every day makes it possible for you to be the best version of yourself.
Here are five ways you can start practicing self-care.
- Ask for help! Spend any time on the internet researching parenting topics and it becomes very clear that mom can’t do all of it on her own. Unfortunately, very few websites say that. Moms will feel the unspoken pressure that every part of their family’s well-being is their responsibility. Don’t believe it! Community is vital in raising children, so lean on family, friends, and neighbors to help you. You’re only one person — ask for help!
- Get as much sleep as you can. If you’re the mom of an infant, this sounds impossible. Which is why we are not putting a number of hours here. Just get as much as you can! For moms of older kids, resist the urge to scroll through social media at night instead of going to bed. Just an extra 30 minutes of sleep a night can change your entire day.
- Schedule “me time” and tell others. If you plan to organically find time for yourself in your demanding day, you’ll never find it. Something else — kids, family, work, the hot water heater going out — will take it from you. Set aside the time you need to recharge and do something that centers you. (We recommend half an hour a day to start.) And don’t forget to tell your spouse or partner! They need to know they’re stepping in for you and parenting solo for a bit so you can reset.
- Do things that fill your emotional tank. Grocery shopping and running errands don’t count as “me time.” If you find simple enjoyment in those tasks, that’s great, but it doesn’t count toward your personal time off. As hard as it may feel at first, don’t designate time doing errands as personal time. Everyone needs time to be purely detached from the demands of life.
- Allow yourself to step away. Moms are legendary for their ability to problem-solve on the fly. But there are days when all of the demands happening at any given time are too much to handle. Give yourself permission to put the baby in the crib, put the older kids in their rooms, and step away for 20 minutes to gather your thoughts and emotions. You show yourself care in the moment as well as set an example for your kids on how to handle stressful situations.
So if you’re a mom reading this and ever wonder if what you do is important, the answer is a resounding …
And if you’re someone who has a mom, loves someone like a mom, loves and supports a mom, or just comes in contact with people who are moms, go out of your way to tell them what an amazing job they are doing and that you appreciate them. The work is hard and can feel unrewarding at times, so celebrate them and all the work they do to make our children feel loved, safe, and ready for the world.
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